The Bike.

I know I must seem crazy to others.

I sound crazy to myself.

It wasn't about trying to make myself feel better

cuz it didn't.

or about not really caring

cuz I do.

It's just that this weekend really sucked.

Like Really.

So I bought myself a bike.

It makes sense in my head.

Kind of.

My sweet husband was super supportive of anything I needed and told me to not even worry about the price.

Which was good, cuz I didn't care.

Lucky for him it was a whopping $89 bucks.

I walked in, grabbed it off the shelf without even looking at other bikes.

I never do that.

I always look into what might be better, then shop for the best price.

I just needed that bike now.

The bike doesn't even mean anything really.

Other than maybe being an escape.

Escape from my feelings

and from reality.

I haven't even ridden it.

When i bought it, I had every intention of getting on and riding it till I couldn't anymore,

but I still haven't even left the driveway.

Reality is still here.

And I'm still hurting.

Maybe it'll help once my trailer gets here and I can put my two cute kids in it and we can go enjoy life.

Ungrateful.

For quite some time now, my heart has been heavy. At times, I've been overwhelmed by the suffering in the world. There are people whose trials come for no good reason, and those who brought them on by the decisions they have made. Whichever the case, I realize I am blessed.

I had a beautiful niece born in January. She is such a symbolism of strength and love. She was fortunate enough to be born with a full head of dark hair and incredible parents. She was unlucky enough to born with a trial she and her family will endure her entire life. She'll need support, love, endurance and normalcy. She already brings happiness, hope, inspiration and joy. Some days. when I think of her and their hard situation, I find myself ungrateful. All because my kids are driving me insane by whining and not minding. And all my sister and her husband want to do is bring their little girl home and protect her from things they can't control.

My Father-in-law, suffered virtually his entire life from addictions. His body and actions became a slave to the alcohol and drugs which influenced his relationships with his loved ones. Not only did he suffer, but suffering constantly found his family as well. Relationships become disrupted and unhealthy. Everyone deserves to be free of the traps that bind them. Unfortunately, last week, this didn't happen for my father-in-law until he finally passed into the next life and returned home, to our Heavenly Father.

You don't have to look far to see someone else that has it worse. Appreciate the incredible blessings our Father in Heaven gives you each day. Find joy in the things you do have, because there is someone else out there that would kill to be in your shoes.

I'm learning life has suffering but it also has greater joy that I ever knew. I'm so undeserving of my incredible life. I have 2 beautiful kids and a husband who works hard and loves me. And we are healthy!!! I have a house and wonderful family close by. Why do I ever have a bad day? I shouldn't! I am so blessed. Pity me's need be unwelcome because I have the best life I could have ever imagined for myself... and so much more. I pray I can protect my children from making the same mistakes their grandpa did and find a true love for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I pray all my loved ones live long healthy lives understanding the important things and not caring about the vain things of the world. Who cares if you have a nice car, money in your bank account, or that your hair didn't turn out just how you wanted it. Those things aren't important. Your Attitude is. And I'm gonna be more grateful:)

Isn't she beautiful?!!